Heartbreak warfare....

Is it true when people say that you don't really move on from one person until you've found another? Sometimes it's easier to pretend that everything's alright instead of facing the reality of it. I have been out of my relationship since last August and I'm still not quite sure if I'm over it. I don't if this is the smartest choice publicly writing about this extremely personal subject, but since I decided to start blogging I guess this is the place to be honest. 

I would say that first loves, first everythings are the hardest to move on from. Studying abroad was the best distraction for the break-up, but coming back here and running into him randomly made everything so much more complicated. It made me realize how much I missed him and how happy we were at one point. Then I thought about how much we fought towards the end of our relationship and how unhappy we both were in it. It simply wasn't meant to be. Our personalities, interests, views on life, etc were all completely different. Then why the hell were we together for so long? For comfort? For love? What does love even mean? We believed in this fictional word called love and that this word could overcome all problems and obstacles. But boy was I naive. So after that I decided that there may be such thing called temporary love, but love doesn't last forever.

There are many things in the past few weeks that I haven't been very proud of. After the terrible thing that he did to me, I decided to declare war and was determined to win at all costs. My ultimate goal: to make his life miserable. I wanted to show him how happy I was without him and how much of a mistake it was for him to do what he did to me. I wanted to hurt him so badly that I sacrificed the feelings of innocent people, and in turn hurt myself the most. So today I decided to surrender; I surrender to myself. Perhaps I'm still not over him. Perhaps people don't truly move on until they've found another. However, all I know is that for now, I need to work on the most important relationship of them all: the relationship with myself. This is the last semester of my senior year and it's time to just focus on me. So today I've decided to let you go, to let us go; I'm letting go of a memory that was once special to me. I'll hold on to the good times, and learn from the bad. I'm moving on...